Monday, December 5, 2011

crying like a church on monday

Contrary to the title of this post (taken from a New Radicals song title--which, by the way is one of my favorites from the 90s and is the only non-weird CCM cds that can be found in our humble little church)...
As I was saying, contrary to the title of this post, I actually really enjoy Mondays at SPLC (St. Paul Lutheran Church). Shannon, our youth director (who also happens to be one of my closest friends since high school), and I kind of run the show on Mondays. Pastor Mark (my supervisor and the lead pastor at SPLC) has Mondays off and our amazing secretary is away today. So Mondays are always rather laid back, a breath of fresh air and a moment to focus and reflect after the hustle of Sunday. Today, like other Mondays, I shut myself in my office all day and did the prepatory work that is such a huge part of being a pastor. This is one thing I hadn't even thought about. I guess I'd always known somewhere in my brain that a huge chunk, maybe a majority, of the work of the pastor is preparation. We prepare for confirmation, for upcoming Sundays, for preaching, for Sunday school, for caroling, for our work with the homeless shelter and food shelf, for our evangelism program, etc. Most of what we do is preparation and Mondays are a great time to really dig into it. Mondays are a time to study and think and pray and read and write and plan, and on and on and on. And since most people hate this second day of the week I actually get a bit of time to work. Still, it is in the interruptions that ministry happens on Mondays or on any day for that matter. The interruptions just tend to be shorter. Even in the midst of all the work I got done today I still had the wonderful opportunity to help a fellow with an immediate housing need and I got to have a great and surprising conversation with a parishioner about theology.
Part of the hardest part of this ministry, and I'm sure at least some other pastors feel this way, is the loneliness. Now I've read Nouwen (and enjoyed it) and I'm well aware that our call to ministry is a call to mutual vulnerability, but bearing your soul to friends is different than bearing your soul to parishioners. I can't say it's harder or easier, but I can say it is different and it is something you have to learn to do. And I'm learning. I'm fumbling and failing all the way, but I am learning.
Today I had one of those moments where the loneliness was alleviated for a time. I really love these sorts of moments. They are like fuel. Part of my loneliness comes from the huge change from being a full time student for 20ish years to being a Pastor/student. I miss the conversations. That is why I was so excited today to have a conversation with a guy from our congregation about Marcus Borg. Now, I don't find myself in agreement with all of what Borg says, but I love his writings. There are pieces of his theology that really speak to my faith and the doubt which is a part of that faith. This gentleman from church was talking about the adult forum a few weeks ago during which we discussed hospitality. He talked about the spiritual practice of hospitality as a way to "see through the dense haze of self." Then he quoted Marcus Borg. This was a welcome break from all the preparation and planning I was doing. I got excited, maybe a little overexcited (as I am prone to do) and lent him the two books by Borg that I had in my study (The Heart of Christianity and The Meaning of Jesus). I'm really hoping to follow up with him and have a conversation about his thoughts on the books.
Mondays are great.

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