holy uncertainty

This is a bonus post since I've been away for so long.

In the last year I've had to make a significant number of choices and decide how to respond to God's call in a number of ways. This constant discernment process, which I am sure I'll never leave, has granted me much occasion to reflect upon certainty. More than anything else in the past year I've wanted to be certain of everything. Here's a sample of what I'm talking about: I've wanted (and still want) to be certain about stuff in my personal life like where to go to seminary, whether Pippi and I are making the right choice in getting married at this point, choosing the right classes, joining the right justice organizations. I want certainty in bigger vocational questions like whether I'm called to ministry that especially focuses on urban ministry, emergent church, justice and social work, new testament studies and a subsequent professorship, or all of these, and if all of these then what in the world does that look like? Should I do CPE where I am? Should I join the CML cohort? I want certainty in huge theological questions like what faith means, what the role of justice is in salvation and what salvation is, how God relates to us. Can we know God's metaphysical attributes? Who cares about the Trinity? What in the world happened on the cross and why does it matter? These questions are NOT easily cleared up upon consultation of Scripture, tradition, reason, or church teaching.

In short, and I think if you have made it this far in the post this will be obvious, I spend a lot of time being uncertain. And I'm willing to bet that I'm not alone. Think about it. What can you say about your life with 100% certainty? I've thought about this a lot lately.

Then

Recently

It HIT me-

It is here that I most often meet God. In my frailty and my uncertainty God is most clearly witnessed to. It is in this state of uncertainty that I am reminded of the vainity, the absurdity, and the transient nature of life of which Qoheleth writes in Ecclesiastes. It is because I am not certain about anything that I trust, have faith in God. This place of uncertainty, where I question my very existence and God's very existence is holy ground. I meet the God who welcomes questioning and who takes me seriously enough to listen to my questions and respond in a diverse number of ways from aha moments to suggestions from friends to God's very Word.

This is spectacularly witnessed in the call of Moses. Moses is on holy ground and Moses is uncertain. The unlikely liberator has shown a passion for justice and God's imagined future by the time of his call in the Exodus narrative. But by the time the call rolls around, he is uncertain about so much: whether God has the right person, whether the Hebrews or Pharaoh will listen to him, whether God's future will ever be a reality. In his uncertainty he questions and God takes his questions seriously. As my Pentateuch teacher points out, "God will move with Moses, even adapting original divine plans in view of Moses' considerations. God's way into the future is thus not directed solely by the divine word and will (Fretheim, Exodus, 53)." Moses is uncertain. God meets him in this uncertainty and even changes God's own mind for the human agent. Our uncertainty is not something to flee from but something to embrace. We are called to struggle with God and our uncertainty is occasion to do so. God has blessed us with this discomfort so that we can meet and grow in relationship with God. Uncertainty is truly holy.

life since we last talked

Happy Spring! What an amazing time here in MN. The resurrection is given whole new meaning when one survives a Minnesota winter and is greeted by the new life of a warm spring day. I know I'm being rather sappy but who couldn't be in this weather. It is even getting to the point where the night is comfortable. Wow! Every year I know it's coming, but every year spring takes me by surprise.

We are just past the midpoint of the semester and things are really picking up! Coming right off a week of pretty intense midterm paper writing, many of us are already looking toward finals. So much to do! Student council just finished our Bread for the World letter writing campaign this last Friday. It went quite well. The subject this year is the Earned Income Tax Credit, and it really needs our support. I sincerely recommend checking out the link above and writing a quick letter. God's vision for the world needs YOU!!!

Student Council's next big project is a screening of This Palestinian Life, a film documenting life in occupied (even if it is technically legal) Palestine. The screening will be followed by a discussion which will be incredible. Between Student Council, work, and school I'm being kept pretty busy, but my attention also has to be given to CPE, church, and the wedding. Seminary is certainly a busy time. Last week was our first Clinical Pastoral Education training. I'll be interning as a chaplain at Advocate Good Shepherd hospital in Barrington, IL. The hospital is big and beautiful, and I am really looking forward to the summer there. Developing pastoral care skills is definitely something that I'm excited about. Not to mention the opportunity to process all of this summer's happenings in a group setting. What with the wedding and everything else, I'll definitely benefit from the group. At church I am looking forward to our Earth Day celebration next weekend. We'll be volunteering at Minehaha falls! We've also got the March of Dimes coming up and we're going to hear author and emergent church mover and shaker Brian McLaren speak this coming Thursday! In other news, the wedding is coming along nicely. We're just finishing ordering invitations, and we pretty much have all the other important stuff done. Woohoo! Personally, I'm ready to be married and in Mexico! I think this is pretty much all that's going on...oh, wait. I forgot, I'm also in the process of applying to become a part of Luther's Congregation and Missional Leadership cohort. This will provide me with the tools to be able to pursue mission-focused calls even right out of seminary. In my opinion all calls are necessarily mission-focused, but I want to be sure that I am intentional about this focus. I'll talk more about this in my next post.