God and the Earthquake

As one who claims a Christian faith, I have long struggled with the justice of God in the face of the world’s evil. I am most certain that I am not alone in this. The questions for me truthfully began at eight, shortly after leukemia took the life of a cousin who was only a couple of months my elder. Death became real. Suffering was suddenly more than boredom and skinned knees. Suffering was loss, deep loss. This was the first time that a ‘why?’ went unanswered by the adults who were supposed to know. So I did what children and psalmists do well, I lamented. I raged at God for creating a world where this could happen…

My own lament was reflected back to me tenfold as I sang at a funeral years later. The front row was filled with the deceased’s immediate family: a young husband, a teenage daughter, and a son who could not have been older than ten. As the pastor delivered the sermon the young son, crying into his own hands, gradually looked up at the pulpit and began to yell, “No!!! Don’t say the words!!!! No!!! Don’t say them!!!! No!!! She’ll be gone! You can’t take her! Why don’t you shut up!?!” I was grateful to see that the pastor continued to speak and the family allowed the son to grieve and lament, only now his father was holding him. There were no theological platitudes that could calm this boy. Nothing to stand between his hurt and God. He was exposed. I could not help but to join him in this lament. Why God?

This boy’s lament was displayed millions of times over in the earthquake that ravaged Haiti a year ago. Why God? This is a very good question and one to which there are no easy answers. Those who claim to know why are lying and kidding themselves. Usually those who claim to know why this sort of deep suffering happens are driven more by political motives that reduce the gospel to empty moralism than by sincere and humble theological reflection and the sort of love for which God Herself has suffered. Still, this does not mean that Christians can remain silent. If God is God for the Christian, we must be willing to be open and honest about how our faith is feasible in a world of suffering. We can neither claim to speak for God nor remain silent. So, we can begin by lamenting. Lament acknowledges that God is God. God is powerful enough to have stopped suffering, even if God does not always work magically in the world to intercede. Lament is calling upon God to act in power in a way that we believe to be consistent with God’s character. There is nothing wrong with that! (Though God often responds by expecting us to care for each other-what could the world of Christians have done to lessen the suffering in Haiti? God really believes in God’s people!) Moreover, lament admits that we humans are human. We do not understand and we need answers! Why God? Especially in the case of natural disaster (even when it is complicated by moral chaos and human failing as in the case of Haiti) the process of lament is important. It is healthy when the natural order, acting within its created nature in an indifferent fashion, harms humans and takes lives (which is then interpreted as evil).

Along with lament, we can make some claims and affirmations in response to the why questions that I believe are consistent with God’s character and work in the world. What is God’s role in suffering? Was the Haiti earthquake God’s will? I would argue that God’s will is for life and that such innocent suffering is against the will of God. God was not the direct cause of each individual’s suffering. God was not mad at Haiti. To claim the opposite of these statements is to make some rather anthropocentric claims. Moreover, God’s will is not omni-causal, that is, God does not will each moment and event into existence. No, God has created a free world full of free beings. Indeed, God has created a free world that God loves. This world is made up of tectonic plates that, when acting within their very God given nature, move against one another, causing great quaking of the earth beneath our feet. This created nature is not murderous or vindictive, but largely indifferent toward human life. And the scary and wonderful affirmation of faith is that God loves this free world! This is obviously no attempt to get God off the hook. God has created a world full of horror. Yet, God has also created a world of love, beauty, and goodness. So, it is entirely within reason on this anniversary of the tragedy in Haiti to turn to God in lament, asking why and whether this freedom, love, and goodness is worth such horror and suffering. And it is entirely within reason to turn to God in trust. For the God who has created the free world is the God who loves and who has promised that death will not have the final word. With this assurance, Christians can lament and exist totally with and for the suffering world without despairing completely. This further allows Christians to work hard to love as we are loved in the face of the world’s evil and chaos.

Life Update--a long time coming

Well, hello all. It has obviously been quite a while since the last update. I swear I have a good reason. You see, about ten days after the last update, Pippi and I got married. Between this and getting used to life together and in the swing of middler year, I've had little time to write. In any case, a quick update is in order before diving into more reflective material.
I hardly need to say this, but the wedding went well. The ceremony was very relaxed and light-hearted and the reception was super fun. Pip's Dad's band Flavor played and so did pieces of her brother's band. It was a blast. The honeymoon was in beautiful Isla Mujeres, Mexico thanks to Pip's uncle Tim and was amazing, except for the fact that I got really sick the last day. Shortly after the honeymoon, we moved into our apartment in St. Paul. I would say the biggest challenge we've faced so far in marriage is simply scheduling. Between Pip's regular sub gigs and my crazy school and work schedule, we've definitely had to move things around to grab quality time together. I will say I made the terrible mistake of taking six classes for the first six weeks. There wasn't time for anything.
Other than the marriage business, I'm happy to say that middler year is going well and figuring internship out is also just fine. Now that a couple half term courses have ended, I've got some more time on my hands, which is nice.
I was officially endorsed by my synod last month. This means that I have their approval for internship. The whole endorsement process, which included writing an essay and meeting for an interview, went quite well. They did point out that I need to work on over-committing myself. Who knew?
Ok, this rambling has gone on long enough. I'll be posting a reflection of more substance very soon.

ramblings and a bit on vocation

Happy August everybody,

Well, that sweaty month has come. Today it felt like I was swimming in the thick air as I walked from my car to the hospital. But I don't mind the heat. Plus it is finally the month of our wedding. After almost a year and a half of engagement it's about time. It is now officially 10 days 18 hours and 57 minutes away. Since I have a lot on my mind right now, I'm not going to write some original lengthy theological rant or musing. Rather, I'll include below part of an essay I wrote recently for something else. It's about vocation. Enjoy! I hope it makes sense.

As a baptized Lutheran Christian, I have received the general call to faith in Christ and participation in the church. Because of this call, this movement of God toward me, I faithfully believe in the triune God who exists as love and shows us perfect community; I believe that God creates and sustains creation, and that we can see and witness to God’s creative work as it occurs before our very eyes; I believe that Christ’s life, death, and resurrection hold for humanity the hope and assurance of liberation from sin and ultimate unity with God and the other in the new life of the reign of God; I also believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in God’s church as it guides us to live within the reign of God by existing with and for the other all for God’s sake. This general call is to more than intellectual assent to the creeds and doctrines of the church. In baptism we are called to discipleship. We are called to follow the living truth in love for the neighbor and all of God’s creation. Martin Luther puts it more plainly when he writes in his “Introduction to St. Paul’s Letter of the Romans,” “[I]t is just as impossible to separate faith and works as it is to separate heat and light from fire.” In confirmation we affirm this faith that we receive in baptism, and promise our participation in the community of faith.

For me, living faithfully thus means seeking and working for justice for the oppressed, weeping with the sorrowful, hurting with the broken, and rejoicing with the joyful. In church, we confess Christ so that we can live this faithful life in our homes, our workplaces, at the capital, in the hospital, and any other place we might find ourselves. In this way, I can say confidently that I have not only been called to the ministry of teaching, preaching, and confessing, but that I have also been called to my relationship with my wife Pippi, to loving and respecting my parents and family, to my friendships and all other relationships; I have been called to Luther Seminary to study, to working with children in camp settings, to urban ministry, and to economic and hunger justice ministries. Through personal and communal discernment that has been confirmed by the corporate body of Christ, I have been called to these places to confess Christ to the world and to meet Christ in the world.

stuff i learned from other people

Good evening y'all,

It is Sunday evening, July 25, 2010. We are officially 18 days and 17 hours from the wedding. I could not be more ready. There is a lot left to do but it will happen whether we're ready. Honestly, I can say no cold feet and little nervousness. I'm mostly just excited and ready to be relaxing with my new wife in Mexico. The wedding is fun and all, but I think I'm most looking forward to married life-getting back to St. Paul and settling into life together.

There are three weeks of CPE left. I've loved it, but I'm definitely ready to be back to life as normal. The clinical time with patients has been my favorite. Don't get me wrong, the group time and on call has been fine-but the best part is really existing with people as they travel through some life changing times.

Last week we had our "CPE day" with the other advocate health centers. This was definitely one of the academic highlights of the summer. The keynote speaker was the Rev. Dr. Teresa Snorton. She is the director of the national ACPE and bishop of the Christian Methodist Episcopal church. Dr. Snorton spoke beautifully to us about diversity in ministry. During her presentation, I had the opportunity to share my theological traditions with the people at my table. At this, I realized that I owe a lot to denominations other than the ELCA that have had an affect on my worldview. Specifically, I have learned a lot from the anabaptist peace churches and the UUs. There are others that have influenced me, but these are a couple that I have not previously acknowledged. From the first, I have grown into an ethic of nonviolence. From the second I have learned quite a bit.

I attended a UU community for a while in college and was attracted to it for a number of reasons. First, the UUs are held together not necessarily by doctrine or dogma, but by practice and appreciation for the dignity of all peoples. Similarly, I do not believe that we are ultimately judged by intellectual assent to doctrine. Intellectual assent does not ultimately define our stance before our graceful, loving God. Christianity is about more than assent. It is about community and practice. If I were ultimately judged by whether I believed everything perfectly, I would certainly be damned. Second, the UUs have a profound respect for other religions. Third, I experienced radical hospitality from UUs. I felt accepted wholly, simply for who I was. This is the kind of church God desires. Well, you might ask what brought me back to the ELCA? Sin. What I first appreciate about Lutheranism is the reality with which it understands humanity. There is something deeply wrong about humanity. Something that needs redeemed. Lutheranism points to and even emphasizes this. During lent, the congregations confront this communally. In our culture of excess, it is so important to admit that we are broken and sinful, that we participate daily in systems of sin and that there is no way to shake this sin without the help of God. This is the language my spirit speaks.

a midsummer's blah blah

hola y'all!

i've decided, for a change of pace, to write this entry kind of ee cummings style with no capitals. why? because i can. life is good here in the sweltering heat of the swift moving summer. i'm currently at the hospital serving my on call evening. i've really lucked out in a lot of ways with my placement this summer. for example (and yes, this is totally bragging), i don't have over night on calls. instead, we just stay around all day until 11. this is very much appreciated, especially after weeks like the last one. it was quite an emotionally charged one here at the hospital and at home as well. i sat with patients in real desperate and moving situations and got to be present in some really life changing moments. i can't and won't give more detail than that, but i will say that it was as rewarding as it was exhausting. after serving on call last week i simply collapsed into my bed from exhaustion. while i would love to maybe try a year program of chaplain residency, i definitely do not think that i would be cut out for this sort of intense spiritual care as a full time job. well, i guess this is all part of the discernment process.

at home, pippi and i are well into the final throws of wedding planning. it seems to me that there is more and more to do every day. but fortunately i have a level headed fiancee who tells me that we are right on schedule. i like her. i really just wish it was august 16th and we were sitting on the beach enjoying the sun together. soon enough.

in my devotional times, i have been thinking a lot about a short piece of hindu scripture i read in heidi neumark's book breathing space. while i can't recite it here from memory, i can share with you the general gist. it is basically about the strength of motion. that the sturdy, stable tree is brought down, torn from the ground, by rushing waters. life for me, and general life in the hospital seems to be always rushing. this story reminds me that, while i do need to allow rest for myself, God most certainly meets me in the hustle. these rushing waters are blessed. patients often speak about trying to go with the flow. this is especially true on the cvicu floor. while i hope that they do take the time and courage to assert themselves so they make sure their humanity is honored with dignity in this building, i do think that this can be a healthy attitude for a person to have. we move with the currents of life, allowing ourselves the full experience of change, renewal, and loss. in this motion we meet God.

well into summer

Hello all,

Just wanted to write a quick update. The summer is moving along nicely. I am still surprised by how fast it is going. We are already four weeks into the ten week CPE program. This has been a really wonderful experience so far. The group gets along quite well and is every open. It is such a different atmosphere than I am used to in terms of the openness of the group. Still, I really look forward to clinical time the most. This is the time that we get to spend with patients. Every now and again it is clear that the chaplain's presence is not welcome in a room, but mostly I find that people are really quite willing to offer the chaplain hospitality by letting us into their space for a chat. Some patients really want to explore issues of faith and their emotions, but many patients just want someone to talk to. The hospital can be a lonely place for people and I feel so blessed to be in a position to relieve some of that loneliness. I could certainly see myself doing this in a more full time way.

Pippi and I are doing amazing! We just received news that we will indeed get the housing we were hoping for next year. This was really the last thing that was up in the air in terms of planning for next year. It was really exciting news for us! In other news, we've been getting a lot of rsvp cards for the wedding-thank you for that and we've been spending a good amount of time on weekends at her parent's cabin in Wisconsin. All in all, a good summer so far. Here's hoping for more of the same.

making space

thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;

it is the center hole that makes it useful.

shape clay into a vessel;

it is the space within that makes it useful.

cut doors and windows for a room;

it is the holes which make it useful.

therefore profit comes from what is there;

usefulness from what is not there. (Lao Tzu)

I came across this piece from Lao Tzu a couple of months ago as I read Heidi Neumark's Breathing Space. It speaks to the notion that when we empty ourselves of ourselves, we are able to better be used by God for God's mission in the world. Paul reflects upon a similar sentiment in his second letter to the Corinthians: But we have this treasure in clay jars so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are fragile vessels. When we are emptied of our selfish concerns, we can be filled with the ministry that God has for us-and this is our strength, this fortifies our otherwise fragile walls so we can be God's people in the world. This has been an especially helpful reflection for summer CPE. I realize that I bring all of my concerns, prejudices, joys, and sorrows into every patient's room I enter. I am very full of things that can get in the way of really existing with and for the patients. Yet, it is my calling to be empty of myself so I can be filled again with the gospel, which enables me to focus wholly on the patient. For me, this emptying comes about through prayer and meditation. Through these, I feel empowered to focus my thoughts outside of myself. When I am emptied of myself, I can better live in to my calling.

shape clay into a vessel;

it is the center hole that makes it useful.